The Worry Cup

It's come up a couple times in my writings so far, but I've yet to formally introduce the concept of The Worry Cup.

I cannot take credit for coining this phrase. I heard it first from Harry Whitney but have since heard the phrase used by a couple of other very knowledgeable horsemanship teachers. I've regarding discovering the idea of The Worry Cup akin to discovering the Holy Grail: it might not bring everlasting youth, but it sure might extend your life because careful moderating of The Worry Cup keeps the horse from going to dangerous places when he's with you.

The Worry Cup

noun; a metaphorical vessel that contains the horse's accumulated concern, anxiety or distress and thus dictates his ability to do what we ask at any given moment

The horse isn't the only creature with a Worry Cup. You have one, as do I. Every living entity capable of cognizant thought has one. Our Worry Cups contents are not static but ever-changing moment to moment. The rules of The Worry Cup are fairly simple:

1. Stressors equal additions to The Worry Cup. The size of the stressor is directly proportionate to how much it adds to The Worry Cup.

2. Things that bring relief from stressors equal detractors from The Worry Cup. How fully that thing relieves the stress is proportionate to how much it detracts from The Worry Cup.

3. The point at which The Worry Cup overflows is the point at which some sort of crisis occurs.

4. Full and overflowing is full and overflowing; doesn't matter how you got there, you've still got a mess.

Something I've learned about humans? We tend to walk around with fairly full Worry Cups. I know quite a few people who are an unfortunate event or two away from crisis mode. I know a few more people who routinely live in crisis mode. I know a few additional people who wear crisis mode like a badge of honor, as if living each day is like being on a battlefield and they can't wait to show off their hard-earned war wounds.

The problem is that while we can choose to inflict that kind of thing on ourselves we cannot and should not ask it of our horses, but when you don't know what you don't know you end up holding everyone to the same standards you have for yourself. Awareness of the existence The Worry Cup is the first piece when it comes to solving that problem. 

I could go into all the reasons why it isn't healthy to expect our horses will tolerate carrying the same level of concern as we might tolerate within ourselves, but I'll sum it up this way: horses don't get to choose their lives with us. Who they end up, what they are asked to do and what their lives look like is controlled entirely by humans. The least we can do is make sure their lives are happy and fulfilled in ways that are meaningful to them, and nothing is more meaningful to the horse than living in that sweet spot of inner peace and calm.